randommusingsandlifelessons
Saturday, November 26, 2016
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
Robin Williams, Depression and Me (maybe You)
Source: fanpop.com |
Robin is dead. I really liked him as a comic, an actor and a person. Apparently it was a suicide. I knew he dealt with drug and alcohol issues. I suspected depression. This is tragic. He leaves behind loved ones. He will be missed. Depression is rough.
I have struggled with depression. I resisted help. “I can do this!” I was in denial. I medicated with drugs, alcohol and busyness. I pretended that I was not depressed or had “improved.” Culture bad-mouths and pushes aside depression. Families just want you to “get over it.”
You have cancer, let’s pray and get you the best help. Money is no
object. One child abduction (by a relative,) let’s bubble-wrap the kids
and plan every waking moment. Diabetic and need medication? Get it!
Depressed? It’s not real. It’s in your head. Cheer up. Besides, we cannot afford counseling (unless it is a REAL disease.) And don’t take medication for it. We are pharmacological Calvinists when it comes to depression.
Oh, and we who are depressed fight help just as much as anyone. To God, I said, “Why me?” and “Fix it!” My petitions were answered with silence. God knew I needed to answer that.
In my 30 years as a priest, many whom I serve go undiagnosed, un or under treated, and under-resourced. That included me.
I had long ago realized that I was not going to live to grow old with my wife or watch my children grow up or see grandchildren (and, now, a great grandchild,) if I did not give up self-medication with alcohol. Abuse of alcohol was a symptom of something inside me that I had left unaddressed. My abstinence helped some but, while I was not drinking, my mind was still in the same state.
I had things I did not want to explore but, with the help of an awesome counselor (I went through 3 before I found one I resonated with,) I realized some things about myself that needed to change. And I changed them. I was not a victim and it was not your fault. It was three steps forward and 2 back, mind you. But I started. I learned with help to accept who I truly was. I realized I was not going to please everyone and in fact, I was going to really piss off some who had their own expectations of me. And I set boundaries in my life. Healthy boundaries. Godly ones, I hope.
I am not going to attach some grand imperative as a postscript. But I do suggest you to get educated about depression, to encourage those who deal with it (directly or indirectly) and to help move the conversation into the open leaning on God more. I was too puny to deal with this on my own. I needed to repent and accept God’s gracious and unconditional love.
Depressed? It’s not real. It’s in your head. Cheer up. Besides, we cannot afford counseling (unless it is a REAL disease.) And don’t take medication for it. We are pharmacological Calvinists when it comes to depression.
Oh, and we who are depressed fight help just as much as anyone. To God, I said, “Why me?” and “Fix it!” My petitions were answered with silence. God knew I needed to answer that.
In my 30 years as a priest, many whom I serve go undiagnosed, un or under treated, and under-resourced. That included me.
I had long ago realized that I was not going to live to grow old with my wife or watch my children grow up or see grandchildren (and, now, a great grandchild,) if I did not give up self-medication with alcohol. Abuse of alcohol was a symptom of something inside me that I had left unaddressed. My abstinence helped some but, while I was not drinking, my mind was still in the same state.
I had things I did not want to explore but, with the help of an awesome counselor (I went through 3 before I found one I resonated with,) I realized some things about myself that needed to change. And I changed them. I was not a victim and it was not your fault. It was three steps forward and 2 back, mind you. But I started. I learned with help to accept who I truly was. I realized I was not going to please everyone and in fact, I was going to really piss off some who had their own expectations of me. And I set boundaries in my life. Healthy boundaries. Godly ones, I hope.
I am not going to attach some grand imperative as a postscript. But I do suggest you to get educated about depression, to encourage those who deal with it (directly or indirectly) and to help move the conversation into the open leaning on God more. I was too puny to deal with this on my own. I needed to repent and accept God’s gracious and unconditional love.
Sunday, August 3, 2014
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
There’s More Fun In The Deep End
Photo: http://bit.ly/1k4DXhU |
I have a chameleon-like faith. Or maybe a shape-shifter
faith. I am constantly moving from shallow to deep and back to shallow again. I
don’t stay put.
At times, I acknowledge Jesus but my faith is in my head and
my heart has not turned to him. I am detached. Aloof. Away. Worship is one
option among many. These times are the “like” Jesus times.
At times, I observe Jesus and I occupy myself with
“religious stuff” but my heart is on simmer. I am busy “Christianizing” but the
fruit is bland. Worship is regular but
rote except when I really am into it and then it goes viral (for a time.)
Other times, I follow Jesus. I turn over my heart and the
take risks that come from self-forgetfulness. My heart boils over even while I
am stretched to my limit. These times always involves keeping a commitment to
others. Life is served and renewed in this paradoxical state. Worship flows out
of Sunday and into the week.
Where are you? Do you like it there? Have you gotten stuck?
Could you encourage a stuck person?
“Exert every
effort to enter through the narrow door, because many, I tell you, will try to
enter and will not be able to.” Luke 13:24 NLT (Jesus tells us that following is
hard but worth it. See entire passage.)
Thursday, May 22, 2014
I am beautiful on the inside
Source: Roxie Woodward |
Should we have t-shirts that state, “I’m gorgeous inside?”
Some of us would wear the shirt because we don’t fit cultural norms. We are
introverts, unathletic, fat/skinny/short, flawed, sick, C-or-below-student,
unemployed, prickly, quiet.
Another group of shirt wearers would be those who only see
gray or black inside themselves. They need to read the shirt. They feel shame. “I’m
no good.” Maybe because of brain chemistry, maybe because of a rough childhood,
maybe there has been a failure.
Truth is, we are made in the image of God (Imago Dei.) And
God found us worth redeeming. To die for.
When you look in the mirror or on the face of another today,
imagine yourself/them in this t-shirt. A shirt Christ wove in his life, death
and resurrection. We are loved and inherently lovable and we cannot stop
telling that story.
For we are a fragrance of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing; 2 Corinthians 2:15 (NASB)
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
Blessed are the busy
One of my favorite stories in the
Bible is when Jesus says to his friend, Mary, “Mary, Mary, why can’t you be
like Martha all multitasking and blisteringly busy. She’s got the high life and
I don’t mean Miller.”
Oh.
What?
Never mind, my memory is faulty.
Martha was distracted
with all her preparations; and she came up to Jesus and said, "Lord, do
You not care that my sister has left me to do all the serving alone? Then tell
her to help me." But the Lord answered and said to her, "Martha,
Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only one thing
is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away
from her." Luke 10:40-42
(NIV)
Why are we so busy and getting even
busier? Why must every minute be filled? Why do I need to “get away” so often?
Get away from what? Are we answering God’s call? Will I miss out? On what? Will
I ruin my children if they miss anything? Am I trying to prove my worth (I can
do what you do and more?) Who is judging us and have they earned that right? Or
am I judging myself? What am I running from/to? Why does the end zone keep
moving?
If escalating busyness is the highest good, it must be God. If so, it
is a cruel god. It leaves us drained and anxious. Rather than rise to noble
things, we answer the call of what pressures us the most. Jesus promises us
Peace as our North Star. Peace. What or who is your North Star? The thing you
and everyone in your life must bow to? Is it/she/he worthy of worship?
No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to
mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you
can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you
can endure it. 1 Corinthians 10:13
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
I’d like to strangle them.
http://bit.ly/TrJf1X |
But I say unto you, Love your
enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for
them which despitefully use you, and persecute you Matthew 5:44 (KJV)
Who are your enemies?
Who is hurting you right now?
Who is your nemesis?
Who hates you?
Who is trying to control you?
Who used you?
I’d like to strangle them. How about you?
Now, I have a dilemma. Am I Lord (The Boss) or is Jesus? I
have to lay my lordship at his feet and bless instead, love instead. I am to
want the best for them and do what I can to help that come about. Talk about
counterintuitive.
If I pray, who will change? Me? Them? Both? Neither?
I abdicate, Lord, not because I feel it but because you say
so. But I think I need a heart transplant.
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