For I was ashamed to ask the king for soldiers and horsemen to accompany us and protect us from enemies along the way. After all, we had told the king, "Our God's hand of protection is on all who worship him, but his fierce anger rages against those who abandon him." Ezra 8:22 (NLT)
I love this passage. While I am not an ace of a Biblical scholar, I have been where Ezra has been. Where he has been is here – The Tension. What's "the Tension?" It is that place where all people of faith wind up. It is where the pull from one side is "God will provide" and the pull from the other side is "But I must do my part."
Like the man in Mark's Gospel who says to Jesus, "I believe, help in my unbelief," I believe God's promises but only so far. I waffle between wanting God to do it all and taking care of me and doing it all myself just in case God is on a lunch break or busy with really important things like world hunger. I feel goofy.
Goofy because I really trust God but I always wonder. Wonder if this is the time I am supposed to use my God-given resources in a given situation. I don't want to look dumb to my Christian peers but here I am trusting in my lack of trust. Go figure.
A Danish proverb I like goes like this. "Pray, but keep on rowing." Trust is a both/and endeavor. I live in a (mostly) either/or polarized world. I am a resident alien in a spiritual sense.
May you trust God totally today in your lack of trust by acting as you see fit but leaving just enough room for God to do something you could never accomplish yourself.