Thursday, February 24, 2011

I Honor You

There is no such thing as a dysfunctional organization,

because every organization is perfectly aligned to achieve the results it currently gets.

Jeff Lawrence


One of the saddest parts of my ministry is when marriages experience stress and one spouse seeks to divest herself or himself of the other, citing that it's the other's fault; they won't change. I even see these weeks after the wedding.


First, I know there are truly toxic relationships and have worked with them. They do not fit the quotation. Second, this happened to my wife and me. Physician heal thyself. Third, #1 and #2 taken into consideration, marital stress usually involves both-stress and blame.


The kernel of truth in Jeff's generalization is that, usually, both spouses have work to do. In fact, they worked to get where they are. Two people have become perfectly aligned to have the marriage they have. I have learned not to take sides. Or to judge.


If the statement is true, both spouses can align differently with a change of mind ("I helped us get where we are" is a good start.) Paul says that a transformation can come from a mind change, especially when God is invited in. One of the first things I suggest is that the spouses pray for each other (often met with resistence.)


If you are married, what is your mutual alignment? That is, are you pleased with the results? They can change. If you are out of marriage, realize you still can learn from your past relationship. If you know anyone who is married, pray for them. In today's culture, relationships are drawn in all directions, often caused by money issues. Know I root for your relationships. I root with God. If you know someone out of marriage, pray for them as well. I know God does not waste a hurt. There is resurrection. Things can change.

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