Saturday, March 19, 2011

Twitter Bible - Book of Genesis in 140 characters a chapter

1-God maks somthing out of zip-What God maks is gd-People made in God's image-told Increase, Subdue, Rule. Eat yr veggies

2-God rests-Creation remix-God mks dustdude-All yours but U cant B God-God not gd at makin helpers, finally mks Eve-nakd

3-snake tempts coupl 2 take Godz place-they do-realiz they R vulnerable now-God strolls, they hide-blame game-consequences

4-Sibling rivalry-Cain kils Abel-blod revenge wory-new zipcode 4 Cain outside #paradise-Seth born-people need #God

5-Adam's family tree-Ancestors live to be super geezers-Adam lives to 930-Noah becomes father at 500!

6-Humans gon wild-God ticked off, has regrets/shortens life, plans 2 get rid of them-Noah gets weird orders-obeys

7-God sez bring on the animals and your family-flood of a lifetime coming-Noah obeys-water comes-all life wiped out

8-Oh yeah, #Noah & that H2O thingy-dries-dov sez all gd-birds: whoa, now we're bein sacrificd!-no total wipeout redux

9-#Noah, run show!-skip bloody meat-murdr not-now no wipeout by H2O-rainbo reminds God-Noah drunk & naked-son sees, 86'd

10- Genealogy -Sons of #Noah- Japheth's clan spreads out north-Ham's flies south-Shem is a homie (#Jesus clan)

11-Babel folks think theR hot stuf-build tower 2 occupy heavn-cut out God middleman-God confuses speech- scatterd-Abram's fam

12-God tels Abram 2 Go-leve cushy life-goes-builds altr-worshps-on 2Egypt-tells wife:lie-say UR sis-backfires on Pharaoh

13-Abram thrives in Egypt-Abram and Lot go separate ways-Sodom sins-God tells Abram "Land and offspring" are yours

14-Kings rebel/dfeat Sodom/Gomorrah; Lot hostage-escapee tells Abram-318 get back Lot+stuff-King Mel blesses,gets 10%

15-Abram no kids-Lord says no problem, you'll have bazillions-Abram trusts-Ab dreams-kids will have 400 tough years

16-Abram wife barren, sleeps w/ wife's maid-Conceives-Wife jealous-Maid flees-Angel sez go back-Does. Ishmael born

17-God:be gd-get kids-Covenant:circumcision sign U R w/ God-O,geezer Sarah will B mom 2-Abe thinks is funny-God a punster

18-men visit-Abe hospitable-Men:wife 2 have kid-Wife pushing 100, laughs-Lord miffed-Abe haggles Gd dn on destructn thing

#19-Angels visit Lot-neighbors demand sex;struck blind-Sodom&G destroyed-Lot's wife bcomes salt-daughters preggers by dad

20-Abe lies again about wife being sister-king almost sleeps with wife, irks god-Abe admits weenieness-king gifts

21-Isaac born 2 geezers-puns cont(Isac=Gd laughs)-Sarah jealus:wants maid/son outta hre-Gd sez,all will B gd-Abe maks peace

22-Gd tests Abe-askd 2 sacrifice son(only hope  4 a legacy)-Abe goes 2 do it-Last min reprieve-Abe's kin 2 B a blessing

23-Sarah dies @ 127-Abe asks locals 4 burial plot-Local owner gracious in offering land & cave-Mamre becomes family plot

24-Abe sends servant 2 find perfct wife 4 son;coupl 2 stay local-prayers answerd, Rebekah perfect-Lord does gr8 work!

25-Abe dies-Ishmael's kin hostile 2 Abe's-Bekka has twins who fight even in womb: Jacob(mama's boy) & Esau(macho man)

26-God promises Isaac same(land,kin,light 2 others)-Is pulls "she's my sister" routine-Is thrives-Esau's wives truble

27-Isaac old-Esau, get me hunters stew-Mom plays favrites,pulls switch of sons-Jacob tricks dad,gets Esau's blesing-Run!

28-Isaac sez,"Marry kin, no foreignrs"-Esau maries foreignr 2 hurt dad-Jacob blessd-Jac lets God B his god if God delivrs

29-Jacob seeks wife-falls 4 cousin, her dad sez work 4 wife, switches 4 lesser daughter-2 wives-God gives child 2 lesser 1

30-Rachel barren-tells Jacob 2 zzz w/ maid-sisters battle 4 mor kids-Finally, Rachael has son-Jacob tricks Fatherinlaw

31-Laban mad, Jacob flees, sez God told him it will be all good-Laban confronts-Jacob/Laban covenant

32-Jake goes home 2 face Esau who he cheatd-scard-prays-splits enturage-wants 2 pacify bro-Jacb wrestls w/Gd-renamd Israel

33-Jake,fearful of reunion w/Esau, puts expendable folks up front-Surprise!-Esau gracious-Jacob settles back home

34-Jake daughtr Dinah raped by outsidr-Sez its luv-Marry?--Jacb sons tell outsidrs 2 B circumczed- 2 sons slay outsdr guys

35-God 2 Jacob,86 4reign gods-go 2 Bethel(houseofGod)-God sez again, yr name Israel-youl B gr8 nation-Rachel/Isaac die

36 - Esau's family tree, father of Edomites-names, names, names-Edom become nemesis of Israel

37-Jake plays favs w/Joe,givs flashy robe-Guess wht?siblings h8 him 4 it-Joe dreams he will rule sib-sibs h8 more,sell Joe off

38-Judah kids-1 maries, dies-Judah 2 #2 son:Make baby w/widow-won't-he dies, Widw tricks Judh in2 sex-Judh wantd prostitute!

39 -Joe thrives as captive in Egypt-he's a looker-masters wife: hey, hook up?-he wont-shes mad-Joe jailed, thrives there 2

40-Joe interprets dreams in jail 4 2 of Pharaohs court-drems come tru-both freed-Taster gets job bck,Baker loses hed

41-Pharo drems-7 fat yrs/7 skiny-troubld-xperts duds-Joe helps-givs God cred 4 interp-offrs busnes pln 4 famin-J put n charg

#Bible Gen42 -Jake "Quit sittin on butt, get food"-Ben, fav son stays bak-Sons go 2 Joe but dont recognze-Joe asks 4 Ben-Jake upset

43-Jake "More grain! Famine"-Judah:need Ben then 2 go back-Joe glad 2 C Ben: weeps-feast?-boys worried they R in trouble

44 - Joe plays tricks on bros 2 hold on 2 Ben-Bros claim "Innocent!" of theft-This will just kill dad-take 1 of us

45-Joe reveals tru identity to bros-Bros OMG/terrified-Joe explains all okay, God blessed him-sends 'em packing w/goodies

46-God2Jake:make u gr8 nation in Egypt-names, names names:genealogy-70 make trek 2 Egypt-Jake sees Joe, happy man!

47-Joe presnts family 2 Pharaoh-Jake blesses Phar who grants rights 2 Joe's fam-Joe shrewd handling commerce-gets wealthy

48-Joe visits Jake on deathbed-Jake claims Joe's Egyptian sons as own-Jake bleses Joe but giv prefrence 2 last born o'Joe

49-Jake blesses sons but sum blessing sound more lk curses-All will not B well-Jake dies, asks 2 B buried w/ancestors

50-Joe/bros bury Jake near Mamre-Bros fear: now Joe get us 4 dumpin him-Joe sez:you did evil, God used it 4 gd-Joe dies

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