Sunday, May 1, 2011

Twitter Bible – Book of Exodus

1-Joe's kin fruitful-King n Egypt:2 many Hebrews!-Hebrews oppressd but thrive all the more!-Hmm, okay, kill off baby boys

2-Moses born-Pharo's daughtr finds/savs fm death-Older Mo kills Egyptn taskmastr-Mo flees/marries-God remembrs Hebrew plight

3-Mo minding own bizns-angel/burning bush-I AM(God)-I hear cry of my ppl-I am sending U (Mo) 2 release them-name game ensues

4-Lord, needa sign-staff/skin/blod-Mo:Hmm, let me try ths (2 get out o'whole let my ppl go thing-Ima bad public speakr-God pissed

5-Mo: Let us go-Who's ths LORD dude?-Get back 2 work-no straw 4 brick but make full quota!-Hebrws: Hey, Mo ths is yr fault!

6-God remembrs covenant-hears groans o'Hebrews-they will B free-Mo whines-census-Mo:surely sum1 better equipped 4 ths work

7-God 2 Mo: U R spokesman but Pharoh wnt listn but I get 2 show off-Mo&bro obey-wizards not impressd w/Mo-Nile Bcomes blood

8-Let ppl go or FROGS!-Pharaoh: get dem frogs outta hre-Go worship-Phar reneges once frogs gone-now bugs-Phar still:manana

9-Let ppl go or plague-Pharaoh's heart hardened-same w/ boils & hail-but Israelite unaffected

10-again, let 'em go-locusts ths time-but LORD still hardened Pharaoh's heart-now darkness 4 3 days-no deal-outta my sight!

11-LORD: 1st born sons die 2 show distinction between Egypt & Israelites. Huge sorrow in Egypt camp. Then they will let U go

12-Passovr-lamb,B redy 2 travl,place blood@door-Death pass ovr U-only hit Egyptns-remember-1st born die-Hebrws leave town

13-1st born set aside 4 Gd-Remem Passovr - 'I do ths b/c of wht LORD did 4 me when I came out o'Egypt'-Fire nite,cloud day

14-Ppl camp-Pharo: I scrwd up!-Bring em bak-Ppl: Nice job, Mo,we're dead-Mo: God will help-Sea splits 4 Ppl, drowns Egypns

15-Mo & his sister sing "We gotcha w/ R God" (aka, Don't mess w/ the LORD)-No drinking water, ppl grumble-Lord provides

16-Israelites grumble,"Slavery was better!"-Mo, blame God, not me-Meat and Manna from God-Ppl disobey God anyway

17-Ppl quarrel:Water!-Mo: Hey, God, whaa, whaa, why me?-Battle w/Amalekites won as long as Mo keeps hands in air

18-Mo bivouacs w/dadinlaw,Jethro-Our God better than othr gods!-Jethro 2 Mo: lern 2 delegate-Mo listens 2 advice-It works

19-Mo & God talk on Mt. Sinai-God makes covenant w/ppl-God gets smoky-wash up, stay clear, no sex-ima coming 2 U

20-10 commandmnts-Basicaly,stop playing god & act nice-ppl scared of God-God repeats busines abt worshiping other stuff

21-Don't keep Hebrew servants 4ever-reasons 4 capital punishment & wht 2 do in personal injury cases

#Bible #Exodus 22-Property laws-care 4 foreigner, fatherless, widow, no sorcerers, no relations w/animals, 1st born Blong 2 God

23-Act lk adult,please-give same break 2 every1, not just friends-keep sabath&festivals-You'll conqur Promisd Lnd, if U obey

24-Mo cn come 2 God, no 1 else-Mo leads worship-Folks say they'l do as God sez-Mo goes up mtn, stays n cloud 40 days

25-Have folks giv God offerings fm heart-God will hang out w/ (tabernacle) them-instructions 4 buildng holy recepticles

Exodus 26-extensive Tabernacle building instructions-Home for God's presence - goat hair, ram skins, acacia wood

27-Build altar 4 burnt offerings-a courtyard w/curtains wld B nice-oh, & olive oil 4 lamps, 2-Make it all pretty fancy

28-Haberdashry 4 priests-great if U look gd n gold & blue-uh O, don't forget linen underwear when @ altar-could mean death

#Bible Ex29-animals gotta die in order 2 make priests-7 day process-pass on holy clothes-priests get cut of sacrifices 2 live on

30-Make altar smell nice-flat tax 4 atonemnt-priest wash hands & feet B4 worship or die-copyright on priests anointing oil

31-Keep Sabbath: it's a sign we have a relationship-kill or separate violators-take ths 2 tablets & call me in the morning

32-Mo dallies,folks make own gods-Goldn Calf-God: folks runnin amok, R such weenies on ther own-Mo pleads, God sends plague

33-God: go 2 Prom Lnd-I'll skip trip, I might wipe U out-U frustrate me-Gd talks 2 Mo-Mo pleads-Gd shows bak so Mo wnt die

34-Mo chisels new Xcommandmnts-God: im compassnte, slow 2 anger, but I do punish, conquer new land & obey me. Moses shines

35-Mo: Listen up, Israel-open burning not allowed on Sabbath-Capital fund drive 4 earthly God home-Craftsmenship is a gift

36-Sanctuary Capital Fund Drive oversubscribed!-Detailed instructions for Tabernacle

37-Building portable ark of Covenant-cherubim with wings spread-table and lampstand, too-lots of gold-incense

38-detaild instr'ns 4 altar 4 burnt offerings-over ton o'gold used 4 worship items-4 tons of silvr-all donations fm ppl

39-The Lord in2 haberdashery, Priestly duds ultra fancy-Even have sign "Holy 2 the Lord"-Work done, Mo inspects-Thumbs up

40-Mo opens up tabernacle-God shows up in a cloud and settles in-Israel, follow the cloud

No comments:

Post a Comment